i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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