My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
