I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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