I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Less talking, more tequila
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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