apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
