my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
