i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
