..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
