I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
