I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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