maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
