Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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