a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
