I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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