Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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