So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
