So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
