I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
