people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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