i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
