So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
