Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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