she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
