New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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