My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
