yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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