She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
