So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
