Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
