hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
