Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
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Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
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We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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