also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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