i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
