ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize