We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
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I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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