My liver just broke up with me...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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