I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
time to smoke my breakfast
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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