Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
