would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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