Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
