What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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