Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
is wine microwaveable?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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