i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
