I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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