he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
