You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
