Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
