Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize