you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
