He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
