i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
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They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
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The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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