Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
