my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
