Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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