It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
