she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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