just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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