i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
