i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
