Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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