whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
is wine microwaveable?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
