i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
