so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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