And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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