We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
