She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
