who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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