The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
