i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
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So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
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the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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