but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Omg I joined a choir last night...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
