carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
