Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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