The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
