..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
