i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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