well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
